Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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