we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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