So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
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The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
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She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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