Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
