So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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