No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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