chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
