could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize