Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
