he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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