i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
