Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
