More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
