Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
