can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
