Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
