Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
