tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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