she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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