a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
