i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm experimenting with sincerity
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
