Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
