How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I don't deserve a penis
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
