I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
BRING THE BAGELS
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
