its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
