tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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