I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
