My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
