I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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