Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
