i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
