It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
