he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
sex in a hospital.. check
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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