Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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