...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
