he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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