No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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