big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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