Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
