i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
