She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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