Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
