come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
