While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You had me at "let me see your balls"
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize