Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize