I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
