I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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