Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
