I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
