Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
