Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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