well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
