my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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