Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
