My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
