About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She's the barista slut.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
