thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
