Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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