I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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