I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Omg I joined a choir last night...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
