I'm going to jail i love you
Your dad touched me again.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
