Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
