Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
