Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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