I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
