watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
