remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
