Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
